Hipster perturbed after 1-Bar WiFi signal offers up false hopes of social media prowess
A local man was left adrift and destitute of data after the signal of a neighbours unsecured WiFi point he had been using without permission became too weak to use.
Humanities student Blaire Jackson, 20, was suddenly unable to cultivate his social media presence that reaches an audience of almost a whole dozen, despite reportedly remaining connected to the withering access point with 1-bar of signal. He says the impact on his livelihood is substantial.
"As a digital native, it's my god given right to update my followers on life's minutiae. From queuing up at Centrelink, to sitting on the toilet and drawing the mess afterwards for my Tumblr, my followers expect to see what I'm doing," he says.
"Why does the fucking thing even connect when the signal is too weak to actually work? It's like, 'here you go... HA HA PSYCHE!'"
A runner-up in the Freestyle Moustache category at the 2016 National Beard and Moustache Championships, Mr Jackson says he has not had any mobile phone credit for data on his smashed hand-me-down iPhone since early 2015.
"Hashtag poor student life," he says, twirling an out of control moustache. "I have followers of all denominations, and some see me as a constant force of shitposting in their hectic lives... I fear for their welfare in the darkest hours of my data drought."
One follower, who wished to remain anonymous, says he is also the neighbour responsible for Mr Jackson's service interruption. "My wife and I believe in welcoming one and all, so we operate an open door policy in our home and on our internet connection," the neighbour says.
"But when the shitposting started getting worse, we built a Faraday cage."
